Don’t Flatter Yourself

Something you will probably hear if you come out/already have heard when you came out was as gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc is, “Do you like me?” It comes in many incarnations. One friend of mine just repeatedly said, “Please don’t have a crush on me, please don’t have a crush on me, please don’t have a crush on me.” And I’m not even going to say how purely homophobic that is.

When I first identified as lesbian, I came out to a few friends. I remember several reactions. Most people were casually homophobic. They’d not say anything but ignore me completely (even if I talked to them), be generally rude, and scoff whenever I said anything related to my lesbianism. This is the type of thing that slowly but steadily breaks you, instead of the fast stuff like, “You know you’re going to hell, right?”

Now, then there was my grandma. My grandma is several years behind considering my identity because she’s horribly homophobic so I opted out of telling her. But eventually it came up when I had a girlfriend. She got upset because I was talking about my girlfriend and my 5-year-old (Edit: What? He’s 7 years old now? Ooooh…) was sitting there and playing. She told me several things like how I’m mixing up “friendship” with “romance” and how she had the “same thing” when she was “my age” but then she met her current husband and “realized that was real love.” I was flabbergasted. What I expected was something far more casual like just asking me not to talk about my femalexfemale romances. I knew my grandmother was homophobic but I didn’t expect this. All I could do was just…laugh. I mean…it was like a TV show with a homophobic mother who says, “Johnny! You’re going to hell! HELL, JOHNNY!”

Let me say, though, one thing. When I was lesbian-identifying I did say something that now deeply embarrasses and bothers me. I said that Bisexual people were “greedy.” But I must say, I did not mean it and regretted it literally minutes after I said it.

So, if you’ve been following my blog for a while you may know that I’m Pansexual. Or so I say. I’m not really Pansexual. Well, I am…sort of.

I am…

Unknown-255

But I’m also Panromantic. When I say Abrosexual usually I get, “Huh? What’s that?” or “That’s not real.” So, I just ended up going with Pansexual. By now almost everybody knows that. Not even people in the LGBTQ+ community know what Abrosexuality is. I’ll have to do more on that in another post but I want to talk more about the title topic.

One of the most frustrating responses to a coming out is the “Do you like me?” response. Because what you want to say is, “Don’t flatter yourself, *sshole.” But you can’t say that unless you want to burn some serious bridges. So, what do you say instead? Uuuuum…

“No.”

It’s not as satisfying and sometimes the person won’t even believe you but…what else do you say?

“Yes, because I am gay, I am clearly attracted to everyone.”

 

Advertisements

Bury Your Gays/Why I Love Welcome To Night Vale

Bury Your Gays is a trope in which LGBT characters are killed. Normally I would talk about how Transgender people get…um…0 representation. Like, seriously 0. But instead I want to talk about this trope about LGB characters. No T involved.

You see, most LGB characters in media these days are being represented and then killed or just…they’re side characters who are never in the show soyoucanjustassumetheyhaveahappyendinghahahahawe’reprogressive!

But seriously. This is really a problem. I mean you either have this:

Unknown-254 (thank you, Pinterest)

Or this:

6359400719444181801147179582_tumblr_o451i4NCB81udqpixo7_1280.png (image provided by https://www.theodysseyonline.com/essay-importance-queer-female-death-tv )

Can we not just have normal human characters who don’t die and aren’t insane stereotypes? Is that a possibility?

This is where Welcome To Night Vale and Alice Isn’t Dead (by the same people) come in.

Welcome To Night Vale

600x600bb

Welcome To Night Vale is a comedy podcast about the community radio of a small desert community called Night Vale. Night Vale is different than other towns in that it features many worrisome creatures such as the five-headed dragons (R. I. P. Violet, you will be missed), the Glow Cloud (all hail), the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home, and more. Welcome To Night Vale has several Queer characters, but most notably is the main character of the show, Cecil Gershwin Palmer (voiced by Cecil Baldwin). Cecil is married to a man (a latino scientist named Carlos). They’re relationship is sweet, healthy, and normal. And neither of them are stereotyped. Cecil even confirms that he’s openly gay not Bisexual, in case anyone is wondering (door’s still open for Carlos, though). And there was a character Carlos encountered who is neither a man nor woman (AKA Nonbinary). Also Maureen (one of the only surviving interns of the Night Vale radio station) is a lesbian (indicated by her repeatedly telling Cecil that she “doesn’t like boys” when he said he found a certain man unattractive and her relationship with Michelle). There are a few other less prominent queer characters but I think I’ve covered the most prominent ones here so far. Whenever I think of really amazing representation of LGBT characters, I think of Night Vale.

Now, on the other hand, for lesbian/(female) Bisexual viewers there is also…

Alice Isn’t Dead

1458160708537.png

By the same team as Welcome To Night Vale, Alice Isn’t Dead is about an unnamed woman (voiced by Jasika Nicole) searching the country in a truck to find her presumed dead wife, Alice, while coming across strange and horrifying creatures on the way. At first glance, this looks like the Bury Your Gays trope. “Dead wife? C’mon.” But no. The name of the podcast is Alice Isn’t Dead. This show certainly has some strong female representation, but just a warning…don’t listen to it at night…alone…in the dark. I made that mistake. It was a very, very big mistake.

There are a handful of media outlets that include LGBT characters, these are the best of that handful that I’ve found but I would love to know what ones you recommend! Tell me in the comments and I hope you liked this blog post!

Thanks for reading ~

I Draw: Harvey Timeline

My character, Harvey (protagonist of my webcomic), has evolved quite a bit. He’s always kept the same color palette more or less but his design has evolved with my art style. So, here is a timeline of Harvey!

harvey old design.jpg

Harvey’s very first design circa 12-22-2016. As you can see, he still has his childlike demeanor and his characteristic glasses are there. His sweater is a turtleneck but it’s still more or less the same color. But his hair is down for some reason, despite being mostly the same color.

harvey old picture

An older look for Harvey, circa 12-29-2016. He looks more like an adult here and he has his stereotypical sweater but with a bit more of the shirt under it being visible. This is the only picture I have of him where he isn’t wearing brown pants. Also, his hair is starting to go up.

stup(id)endous

The cover for my webcomic, circa 04-21-2017. Harvey’s hair is up and staying up…somehow. His glasses are…bigger and less round. This is his final design (for now).

virgin killer sweater harvey.JPG

This is a picture I drew a few days ago of Harvey. This is him in the Virgin Killer Sweater, an old meme sweater. This is not a new design for him, just a different outfit. And the cute cheek-thing from the first design has come back.

My Take On The End of Batman: The Killing Joke (SPOILERS)

Batman: The Killing Joke circa 1988 is one of the most iconic Batman one-shot comics ever. Well, I recently obtained a copy of said comic and it was awesome, to say the least! But that ending…damn. Please note: there WILL be spoilers. You have been warned.

First, let me explain what it’s about. The Killing Joke is your typical Batman vs the Joker comic. The Joker does some horrible stuff, the Batman beats him up, alls well that ends well. But…something’s different. The ending, to be specific.

In the end, the Joker is out of weapons and Batman has him cornered. Batman says that he can help the Joker, the Joker says he’s too far gone. I can just imagine Bones saying, “I’m a doctor, Jim, not a psychiatrist!” *ahem* But, getting back to the subject matter, the Joker tells…well….a joke. The joke is that these two men are in an insane asylum and one day they decide to escape. So, they go to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap between the buildings, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight, stretching away to freedom. The first guy jumps across no problem but his friend is scared. He’s afraid of falling. So the first guy has an idea. He says, “Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I’ll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!” But the second guy shakes his head and says, “What, do you think I’m crazy?!

“You’d turn it off when I was half way across!”

The Joker starts to laugh. Then Batman starts to laugh. And they’re laughing…and they’re laughing. Police cars are pulling up behind them. And Batman puts his hands on the Joker’s shoulders, the two of them sharing a tender moment, and then the laughing dies. And the lights go out. Let me show you the very last page:

joker.png

The way I see it is, in the panel immediately after Batman puts his hands on the Joker’s shoulders…Batman strangles the Joker. The Joker knows that this is for the better and thus doesn’t struggle and just laughs until his last breath has left his lips. The light in the water is the coin.

You see, Batman and the Joker are two sides of the same coin and the coin is in some sort of horrific coin flip to see who dies and it’s in the air spinning and spinning and spinning until…the coin lands on it’s side.

Batman and the Joker are like a fork in the road. They both came to an incident that could drive someone insane. The Joker took the path of least resistance, becoming criminally crazy, while the Batman took the path of desperately trying to hold onto his one sliver of sanity, becoming the vigilante sort of crazy. Though from the outside it may seem like the Joker is the bad guy, they’re both as insane as the other, they just chose different paths in their insanity.

Moster

Let me explain the most strange character(s) I’ve ever had:

Moster

moster portrait

 

Profile

Moster has a case of multiple personality disorder. It’s unknown what the original personality was but their personalities are these:

Moster

Pronounced Mow-steer.

Age: 12 years

Gender: Agender

Personality: Moster is quiet and rather sad. They miss their parents and hate how selfish they were, wishing for their life instead of their parents’ lives. Their name comes from Monster but Moster can’t pronounce Ns.

Mo

Pronounced Mow.

Age: 16 years

Gender: Female

Personality: Mo is loud and unpredictable. She’s often homicidal but can be rather maternal at the same time.

Ster

Pronounced Steer.

Age: 16 years.

Gender: Male.

Personality: Ster is impatient and often has to clean up Mo’s messes (usually her homicidal acts). Ster and Mo often fight since they can’t seem to agree on anything, while Moster is usually rather neutral.

Biography

Moster used to be Morune, a young child camping in the forest with their parents. They got lost and Morune’s parents were eaten by wolves but they escaped. Eventually, Morune died from hunger, with their final breath wishing to not die. Their wish was granted and their wounds were patched with gears and scrap metal and they were given new life as a twisted freak, Moster. They finally found their way back to the town but they were treated as a monster and run out of town. They returned to the forest and befriended the wolves who ate their parents.

Crushing

Yes, we’re talking crushes today. Why? Because I have it really bad for one singer. I’ve had a lot of crushes in my time. My first crush was when I was four years old and wow did I have it bad for her! Let me explain this, though: I’ve never had a crush on a celebrity. I mean, I’ve considered plenty of celebrities attractive (example: Peyton List, and just to clarify, I’m younger than her) but I’ve never really had a crush on a celebrity. A real crush. By now you must have noticed something, I like girls and guys (and other genders, for that matter). This is true. So, let me address something:

Born This Way

(Yes, yes, yes I know that Lady Gaga has a “born this way” song, well guess what? So does Three Days Grace so no this is not inspired by any song, I haven’t even listened to Lady Gaga’s song.)

…is BS. Let me explain. I definitely did not choose to like all genders. Not at all. But I was not born this way. If you ask me how long I’ve been into all genders, I’d say since I was four years old. Why? Because I had my first crush when I was four years old. I mean, can babies have romantic attraction? God no. And that’s normal! But it’s proof that we aren’t born with our romantic/sexual orientations. This doesn’t mean that romantic/sexual orientation is a choice, because it isn’t. But people aren’t born this way. Someone who became blind later in life didn’t choose to be blind but they weren’t born that way.

Well, to go back to the topic of my crush, I’ve had a lot of crushes but none on celebrities. Usually they have been on peers, colleagues, or fictional characters (the majority of my crushes are this). So, my first crush on a celebrity…hmm. I mean, it would never work for two reasons: 1. He’s a celebrity, I’m a nobody. 2. He’s over 10 years older than me (eh heh heh, that probably should have been #1). But, it’s just a crush. If you’re wondering who my crush is, it’s…..

Cody Carson from Set It Off

My Favorite Bands/Singers

I live and breath music so here’s my favorite bands/singers!

 

5 – Florence + the Machine

Florence + the Machine, Florence Welch and Isabella Summers, has such a unique and strange sound. Luckily, in this instance strange means good. Florence’s voice is so stunning and exotic! Florence + the Machine is certainly a wonderful band!

4 – Metric

Metric is a small, very unknown alternative band, which is a pity because their sound is so unique! I have a feeling I’m going to be saying that a lot this post. Metric has a sort of Steampunk sound, which I absolutely adore! Their lead singer, Emily Haines, has a great voice that really fits the theme of the band!

3 – Panic! At the Disco

They- er…uh…I mean…HIM. Unfortunately, most of the members of Panic! At the Disco left. By most I mean that the only remaining core member is Brendon Urie. I don’t really care, though, cuz he’s awesome. Brendon’s voice is priceless and his sound is something of a mix of the Beatles, waltz music, and…I dunno what else. I love it!

2 – Set It Off

I love this band to death. Although lead singer Cody Carson’s voice may be a bit of an acquired taste, I love it! He has a voice (especially a laugh) that’s a mix of unique and creepy. Luckily, this really fits the theme of most of their songs! Set It Off’s songs are a mix of singing and talking, and even sometimes laughing! It’s very unique for alternative-rock.

1 – Three Days Grace

Ah, yes. My favorite band of all time. The lead singer switch was pretty hard but, although I prefer the old singer (Adam Gontier), Matt Walst is actually a pretty good singer. Yes, the band can be pretty angsty at times but sometimes you just need that, you know? This band has gotten me through some rough times. I will always love this band. Always.

I Draw: Welcome To Night Vale Fan Art

Yes, there’s MORE OF IT! MWAHAHAHAHA! (oh, also, I’ve started a travel/photography blog, it’s still taking it’s baby steps but if you’re into that sorta thing you should totally check it out)

cecil night vale shading practice
I’m trying this new shading technique. I really like it!
welcome to night vale cecil and carlos
I realized that I haven’t drawn Cecil and Carlos in a while so here’s them.
night vale batman harley quinn cecil and the joker carlos
Cecil and Carlos as Harley Quinn (Cecil Quinn?) and the Joker (the Carler? That doesn’t really make any sense, though…)

 

Salad and Sandwich
I really like this picture so I edited it to have my new shading technique. I always imagine Cecil eating salads for some reason. But not, like, normal salads. Salads with Newt eyes in them. And not Eye of Newt (a plant), literal Newt eyes. Cecil, you’re gross!

Charlie Went To The Park Today

blurred chazz profile close-up wrinkled view

 

Today Charlie and I went to the park and I took some really good pictures of him! Here are a few! Enjoy!

 

grey background chazz in the wild

(Of course, the grey grass/background is not real, that’s my doing, yay for free Photoshop alternatives!)

posterized chazz howling at the moon.jpg

(Once again, yay for free Photoshop alternatives! I used a free, no-download site called FotoFlexer for these filters, although the pictures are mine.)

splash of red chazz ears flying.jpg

I call this one “Splash of Red.” I zoomed in a little more on the photo and made everything grey except his red collar.