Don’t Flatter Yourself

Something you will probably hear if you come out/already have heard when you came out was as gay/lesbian/bisexual/etc is, “Do you like me?” It comes in many incarnations. One friend of mine just repeatedly said, “Please don’t have a crush on me, please don’t have a crush on me, please don’t have a crush on me.” And I’m not even going to say how purely homophobic that is.

When I first identified as lesbian, I came out to a few friends. I remember several reactions. Most people were casually homophobic. They’d not say anything but ignore me completely (even if I talked to them), be generally rude, and scoff whenever I said anything related to my lesbianism. This is the type of thing that slowly but steadily breaks you, instead of the fast stuff like, “You know you’re going to hell, right?”

Now, then there was my grandma. My grandma is several years behind considering my identity because she’s horribly homophobic so I opted out of telling her. But eventually it came up when I had a girlfriend. She got upset because I was talking about my girlfriend and my 5-year-old (Edit: What? He’s 7 years old now? Ooooh…) was sitting there and playing. She told me several things like how I’m mixing up “friendship” with “romance” and how she had the “same thing” when she was “my age” but then she met her current husband and “realized that was real love.” I was flabbergasted. What I expected was something far more casual like just asking me not to talk about my femalexfemale romances. I knew my grandmother was homophobic but I didn’t expect this. All I could do was just…laugh. I mean…it was like a TV show with a homophobic mother who says, “Johnny! You’re going to hell! HELL, JOHNNY!”

Let me say, though, one thing. When I was lesbian-identifying I did say something that now deeply embarrasses and bothers me. I said that Bisexual people were “greedy.” But I must say, I did not mean it and regretted it literally minutes after I said it.

So, if you’ve been following my blog for a while you may know that I’m Pansexual. Or so I say. I’m not really Pansexual. Well, I am…sort of.

I am…


But I’m also Panromantic. When I say Abrosexual usually I get, “Huh? What’s that?” or “That’s not real.” So, I just ended up going with Pansexual. By now almost everybody knows that. Not even people in the LGBTQ+ community know what Abrosexuality is. I’ll have to do more on that in another post but I want to talk more about the title topic.

One of the most frustrating responses to a coming out is the “Do you like me?” response. Because what you want to say is, “Don’t flatter yourself, *sshole.” But you can’t say that unless you want to burn some serious bridges. So, what do you say instead? Uuuuum…


It’s not as satisfying and sometimes the person won’t even believe you but…what else do you say?

“Yes, because I am gay, I am clearly attracted to everyone.”



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