Ok, every trans* person has confessions. Confessions like “I know I’m a girl but I really like soccer” or “I know I’m a boy but I really like the Power Puff Girls.” Everyone has these but especially trans* people because there’s so much pressure for us to “prove our gender” to everyone. I want you femme trans* guys out there to know you aren’t alone so today we’re going to explore some of my confessions as a Trans* boy.
The Knights Who Say Squee
Note: The title is a reference to the Knights Who Say Ni from Monty Python: the Holy Grail.
When I see a small, fluffy, cute animal…I am going to squeal. When I see a plush of a character I like or a small, fluffy, cute animal (usually pug) I am going to squeal. When I see fan art of my favorite ship I am going to squeal. When I see a ship of mine become canon I am going to squeal. I have tried very hard not to squeal when I see these things. I can’t. So instead I try to squeal when other people aren’t around, which is very hard.
My Dream World
Yes, I still dream about myself…as a girl. Usually it’s a dream like the princess dream I had a few months ago: I was trapped in a boarding school for naughty girls and desperately trying to get out because I knew I didn’t fit in since I’m not a girl. And for some reason the outfit everyone at the boarding school were forced to wear was…a princess dress. But, sometimes there are dreams I have in which I don’t even care about being a girl. Usually because I’m trying to save puppies from my teacher who’s lighting their tails on fire (that was a weeeeird dream) or saving a puppy from a field of mines in a playground (I dream about a lot of puppies) but still usually I actually feel almost ok with being a girl…for some reason. It’s strange.
I have never been into princesses. Ever. It’s just not my thing. But I did dress up as a princess when I was little. I don’t think too much about this, more that I like dress up games. I’m more flamboyant than most boys, that’s why I call myself a femme. I like fashion and I love putting together outfits. And I have an account on a dress up game website. This causes a lot of dysphoria for me because it feels like I’m not a real man if I like these things. But, I remind you, you can like cars and be a girl and like fashion and be a boy. Dress up games, Barbies, and girl shows are my guilty pleasures.
My Favorite TV Shows
Three of my favorite TV shows are Jem and the Holograms, Power Puff Girls, and My Little Pony. Personally, I look at this way: My dad is as cisgender as it gets and he loves these shows maybe even more than I do!
I’m probably missing something and I may come back and add more to this list but for now these are the things that make me a femme boy. Honestly, being feminine has nothing to do with being a boy or girl so by now these things don’t cause me too much stress but I know how it feels to feel like I have to prove myself and I know how hard it is to give up things you love for your gender. I stopped getting a magazine that I liked because it was for girls. I don’t regret it that much but I liked the magazine so it’s a bit of a shame. Don’t give up things just for your gender. Gender and gender expression are two completely different things.