Confessions As A Trans* Man

Ok, every trans* person has confessions. Confessions like “I know I’m a girl but I really like soccer” or “I know I’m a boy but I really like the Power Puff Girls.” Everyone has these but especially trans* people because there’s so much pressure for us to “prove our gender” to everyone. I want you femme trans* guys out there to know you aren’t alone so today we’re going to explore some of my confessions as a Trans* boy.

The Knights Who Say Squee

Note: The title is a reference to the Knights Who Say Ni from Monty Python: the Holy Grail.

When I see a small, fluffy, cute animal…I am going to squeal. When I see a plush of a character I like or a small, fluffy, cute animal (usually pug) I am going to squeal. When I see fan art of my favorite ship I am going to squeal. When I see a ship of mine become canon I am going to squeal. I have tried very hard not to squeal when I see these things. I can’t. So instead I try to squeal when other people aren’t around, which is very hard.

My Dream World

Yes, I still dream about myself…as a girl. Usually it’s a dream like the princess dream I had a few months ago: I was trapped in a boarding school for naughty girls and desperately trying to get out because I knew I didn’t fit in since I’m not a girl. And for some reason the outfit everyone at the boarding school were forced to wear was…a princess dress. But, sometimes there are dreams I have in which I don’t even care about being a girl. Usually because I’m trying to save puppies from my teacher who’s lighting their tails on fire (that was a weeeeird dream) or saving a puppy from a field of mines in a playground (I dream about a lot of puppies) but still usually I actually feel almost ok with being a girl…for some reason. It’s strange.

Princess Dress

I have never been into princesses. Ever. It’s just not my thing. But I did dress up as a princess when I was little. I don’t think too much about this, more that I like dress up games. I’m more flamboyant than most boys, that’s why I call myself a femme. I like fashion and I love putting together outfits. And I have an account on a dress up game website. This causes a lot of dysphoria for me because it feels like I’m not a real man if I like these things. But, I remind you, you can like cars and be a girl and like fashion and be a boy. Dress up games, Barbies, and girl shows are my guilty pleasures.

My Favorite TV Shows

Three of my favorite TV shows are Jem and the Holograms, Power Puff Girls, and My Little Pony. Personally, I look at this way: My dad is as cisgender as it gets and he loves these shows maybe even more than I do!

 

I’m probably missing something and I may come back and add more to this list but for now these are the things that make me a femme boy. Honestly, being feminine has nothing to do with being a boy or girl so by now these things don’t cause me too much stress but I know how it feels to feel like I have to prove myself and I know how hard it is to give up things you love for your gender. I stopped getting a magazine that I liked because it was for girls. I don’t regret it that much but I liked the magazine so it’s a bit of a shame. Don’t give up things just for your gender. Gender and gender expression are two completely different things.

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Feminine Words & How I Would Feel if Someone Called Me Them

Alright, so, there’s a blog I read called Not Another Aiden (http://notanotheraiden.com) and the author made a post in which he said his therapist told him to write a list of feminine words and how he feels about being called them. Well, I decided to do the same! Because…why not?

Girl – Ah, yes. My old nemesis. I’ve always hated the word girl and I think I always will. I cringe when I hear it used, even if it’s not used for me. It’s hard to say or even think this word just because of how much pain it’s brought me. Make no mistake, I have nothing against women, I only have a bone to pick with this word.

Woman – Honestly, especially since I’m a teenager, if someone called me a “woman” I would just cringe. It will never be something I’m able to identify with.

Tomboy – I understand that this still means *shiver* girl but somehow I’m actually ok with being called a Tomboy. Probably because it has boy in it. For a girl, I’ve always been a “Tomboy” and people have referred to me as such. Ironically, for a boy, I’m considered feminine.

Wife – Actually…I’m ok with this. I can’t really see myself being called someone’s “husband” it just sounds weird to me. I could see myself being referred to as my spouse’s “wife” and not feel unhappy about it.

Chica and Fille – Alright, originally the author of Not Another Aiden did Mija and Mijita but I am not Latino nor do I know what either of those words mean. I am, however, French and I am learning French and Spanish so Chica and Fille seem more appropriate for me. Honestly, Fille is the worst possible thing I can imagine someone calling me other than girl. Fille means girl in French, so that’s no surprise. But Fille would just be painful. Chica, however, I am a bit more indifferent to. Honestly, it would probably just merit a confused look.

Ma’am – Honestly, all this would earn from me is an “ew.”

Miss – Same as Ma’am. Ew.

Lady – Oh Cheesus Christ! If someone called me lady I would immediately run screaming.

Princess – Wut…honestly, I’ve always been “that girl that likes superheroes more than Disney princesses” so I couldn’t imagine this coming up but I would really just be confused. I don’t like this word and probably never will. If someone called me this, I would immediately tell them to stop.

Diva – …No…thanks….

Mother – Ooh…no. I could never see myself as a “mother” or a “father” I could see “dad” but not mother or father. It wouldn’t really be a gender thing, those words just make me…uncomfortable. They feel so formal. In my family, I call my grandmother Nancy (well, that’s out of pure disrespect), things are pretty casual. We’ve never done mother or father and it would be weirder if I called my dad my father than if I called him daddy.

Mom/Mommy – No. No no no. Nooooo. Dad is ok. Daddy is…fine. But not mom or mommy. NO.

Daughter – Ha ha ha ha, go to hell. I’ve been called a “daughter” before by my father and I hate this word with every atom in my body. Child is ok but I would much rather son than anything.

Girlfriend – Eeeeeeew. If any of my girlfriends/boyfriends/otherfriends EVER called me this there would be a break up in their future. Or, at the very least, a stern talking to.

Aunt – Blech. I can’t see myself as an “aunt” possibly uncle but I don’t have any nieces/nephews/other at the moment so it’s hard to view myself that way.

Sister – No. Not under any circumstances. Even when I was pretending to be a girl, I absolutely hated how my dad’s nickname for me was “sister” and his nickname for my brother was “brother.” He called me sister a few months ago and I actually puked in my mouth. It felt like a kick to the stomach. I don’t really respect my dad, I never have, but I care about him a damn lot and calling me that was literally like he was kicking me in the stomach. He doesn’t understand what it feels like to be constantly misgendered all the time. He doesn’t understand what it feels like to have to work to look like my gender and still have people use the wrong pronouns for me all the time. He just doesn’t get it. The least he can do is use the right words for me.

Thanks for reading, I hope this didn’t turn into too much of a rant, I’ll hopefully have some more cheerful news on my recent love of Young Justice in the future. Again, thanks for reading, good night!

My Plushies Came!

Alright, story time: I ordered these two really expensive high-quality Undertale plushies (along with a Flowey fan club badge and a Papyrus shirt). Well, everything finally came yesterday! Here we go.

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Here you can see the Papyrus and Sans plushies I got, the homemade Papyrus and Napstablook plushies that I made with my mom a few months ago, a dinosaur plush from a museum, my Kirby plush, and Pikachu. I swear my Pikachu is haunted. I woke up with it staring at me one time. And I specifically posed it to be facing the other way. Creepy.

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Ah, yes! All of my plushies! Most of them pugs and dogs but you can also a Magenta plush (from Blue’s Clues) that I’ve had since I was, like, 4-years-old, Meta Knight’s sword (from Kirby, the sword is attached to a Meta Knight plush that’s buried under pugs), a Beefalo (from Don’t Starve), a giant pug (my biggest plush) and a small pug (my smallest plush), Kirby (from Kirby), Waddle Dee (from Kirby), the homemade Napstablook and Papyrus (made by me and my mom), and the store-bought Sans and Papyrus (from Undertale), and Pikachu (from Pokemon). Also a triceratops from a museum. Ah, my plushies. And yes, these are all on my bed and I sleep with them there. All of them.

Welcome To Night Vale Fan Art

Hi, guys! Alright, today I’m going to show everyone some of my art of Night Vale

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Here’s Cecil and Carlos. Meh, the hands and arms could’ve been better. Carlos’s nose should be way lower…this is one of my favorite pictures that I’ve done of them but it’s honestly not that good.

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Here’s Cecil! I had to actually ask my mom to sit cross-legged to see how to draw this. I think it came out pretty good!

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Here’s Team Night Vale Radio Station: Cecil and (soon-to-be dead/maimed/other) Kareem. I like them. Kareem’s design is pretty basic. I just came up with something quick and said, “Oh, yeah, that looks good.” For those curious people with bad eyesight, the papers Cecil is holding say “2:44 domestic violence 5:85” I guess they’re, like, police reports or something? Meh, it was either that or the infamously lazy hand-in-pocket.

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Cecil and Carlos, because they’re adorable. D’aw….Carlos’s head shape is horrible in this. Cecil was originally accidentally having two eyes going different directions int his picture. But I fixed it! I like how his cute hair came out.

Top 5 Best Canon LGBT+ Characters In Media

My name is Drew and today I’m going to provide my top 5 favorite canon LGBT+ characters in media today! Characters also includes pairings (for instance, Ruby and Sapphire) as long as they’re canon.

There will be spoilers. Be warned.

Ok, let’s start!

5. Rain from Rain

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Rain is a great webcomic about a trans* girl trying to make it through high school with no one finding out that she’s Transgender. There are a number of LGBT characters but Rain is the only one I can really mention without too many spoilers. Rain is the youngest of three. She’s Transgender MtF. She’s an emotional character and quite feminine, too! She can be a little childish but she is only 17 years old, her frontal lobe hasn’t fully developed yet, so I give her a break, personally. I definitely suggest the Rain webcomic if you’re ever looking for a new comic to read!

4. Frisk from Undertale

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Ah, yes, Frisk, the gender neutral protagonist of the video game Undertale. In the game, they are constantly referred to with they/them pronouns and gender neutral terms such as “little buddy” and “kid.” Some people head-canon Frisk as a male or female but I just stick within the canon of Frisk being Nonbinary. Frisk is a great character, with their design that has relatively long hair yet still stays so gender neutral and their striped blue and pink onesie. Frisk is a great character, despite never actually saying anything (you can pick choices that imply Frisk is speaking, for instance telling Papyrus that you can make spaghetti, but you never actually see Frisk’s speech.)

3. Ruby and Sapphire from Steven Universe

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Numerous times in the show, these two kiss and say they love each other. Honestly, these two make an adorable couple! The contrast between the calm, sometimes icy, blue Sapphire and the passionate, sometimes fiery, red Ruby is very fun to watch! The two characters interact adorably and I honestly love this couple.

2. Kimber and Stormer from Jem and the Holograms

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I also considered Blaze, a trans* woman from Jem and the Holograms but I had to go with these two. I must have been 9 or 10 years old when I started watching Jem and the Holograms and then I saw the episode (season 2, episode 5) “The Bands Break Up” in which Kimber leaves Jem and the Holograms and Stormer leaves the Misfits. The two of them team up and form a band. They sound great together but from the moment I saw that episode…I shipped them. And so did other people, apparently, because an issue of the Jem and the Holograms comic came out and confirmed this ship. I absolutely love this pairing. The most misfitted Hologram and the most holographic Misfit. I always thought the Misfits and the Holograms could make beautiful music if they teamed up.

 

And now, my #1 favorite LGBT character ever. But first…the weather, er, I mean,

Honorable Mentions

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Blaze from Jem and the Holograms – I was going to do Blaze, an awesome trans* girl, from Jem and the Holograms but I can’t do two (technically three) Jem characters and I just had to do Kimber and Stormer.

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Kevin from Welcome To Night Vale – Kevin is the Desert Bluffs version of Cecil Palmer from Night Vale so it’s implied he’s most likely also gay, but to top it off he also shows attraction to Carlos. He’s a really interesting characters because of his strange and funny type of passive-aggressive horror and how the sun, light, and basically everything Kevin and Desert Bluffs represent is usually thought of as the good and the moon, dark, and what Cecil and Night Vale represent is usually thought of as the bad but in Night Vale it’s flipped. But still I couldn’t put Kevin on because of what I mentioned earlier with Blaze: I can’t do two (technically three) Night Vale characters.

 

And now…finally…my favorite LGBT+ character ever!

 

1. Cecil and Carlos from Welcome To Night Vale

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Ah, I was so tempted to put my own art for the photo but….my own art is just so bad. Welcome To Night Vale is a weird podcast about the radio station of a strange little town called Night Vale in which there are sometimes four suns, there’s a dog park that warps you to a strange desert otherworld if you go in it, and other strange things. The eccentric host, Cecil Palmer, is dating *cough cough* I mean, married to Carlos, his adorable scientist boyfriend. These two are so cute! Carlos comes on the show quite often and he’s a great character and, as Cecil says, he’s got great hair! These two are truly meant to be! Cecil manages to be strangely funny and creepy at the same time, yet kind of cute in a way. He’s clumsy and cowardice but it doesn’t matter because he just sends his interns to do the dirty work and get horrifically killed, sent to another universe, turned into something horrible, or numerous other horrific fates.

My Top 5 Favorite Undertale Characters and Why I Love Them

My name is Drew and today I’m going to talk about one of my favorite video games ever…Undertale. This game has phenomenal characters, a deep story, and really fun mechanics. Not to mention the 8-bit art is pretty cool! I could talk all day about my theories about the characters and their relationships, the unanswered questions the story left us with and wether certain red-eyed children are actually evil or not, but I’m not going to talk about all that stuff because that would just turn out to be some weird rambling. Instead I’m going to present you with my top five favorite Undertale characters and why I love them!

 

(Please note, there will be spoilers for ALL runs.)

 

Ok, let’s get started!

 

5. Asgore – I Want So Badly To Offer You A Cup of Tea

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Asgore, the King of All Monsters. He’s a big fuzzy pushover. Asgore is the anthropomorphic goat guy that happens to be the king of all monsters…and a real softie, too. He’s kind and gentle and quite lonely. A lot of people say they don’t like him cuz…you know…he kills children. But in reality…you like Sans and he kills children, too. At least Asgore feels remorse. Sans just makes fun of you.

Asgore’s children died and his wife left him. Honestly, this guy hasn’t had great luck. I really just want to give him a hug. He’s so much fun to draw, too! It’s hard to talk about him because you don’t really see very much of him but he’s quite honorable and he feels great remorse for having to hurt you. He’s good friends with Undyne (“the marshmallows always get stuck in his beard…”) and honestly there’s not much else I can say. I think he’s a good character and quite underrated. He has one of my favorite battle themes ever. On my first Pacifist run, he was the hardest boss I had to fight, other than maybe Mettaton EX. Asgore is a good character, I wish he was in a little more of the game.

 

4. Undyne – Anime Is Real, Right?!

 

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Ah, Undyne! A spunky fish-lady with anger issues. Undyne is the reason I first played Undertale. My friend recommended the game to me because there’s a few Nonbinary characters (MK, Frisk, Riverperson, etc) and because of the canon lesbian couple of Undyne and Alphys. I knew the second I first saw a picture of Undyne that I would love this character! And I did. She’s an awesome character! I enjoy her attitude of refusing to ever give up! And her design can stay scary and awesome at the same time. Her boss fight was one of my favorites, too! And I can’t say it didn’t help that she likes Papyrus almost as much as I do. She’s a great fighter and a valiant enemy and damn that hair…that hair. I enjoyed her story, trying to befriend her was very fun (and kind of scary) and I thought her comparison of me to Asgore was kind of a coincidence since he’s my 5th favorite character…. Her design is amazing. Drawing her is really hard. I’ll try again and again to get her armor to look right but I never can. Undyne is a great character. In my opinion, she’s way underrated.

 

3. Sans – My Bro Would Really Like To See A Human So I’d Appreciate It If You’d Keep Pretending To Be One

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Yeah, I know the title is long. That’s one of my favorite quotes and I just HAD to have it be the title!

SANS, STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC! Sans is a fat, smiling little skeleton man who’s the big brother of Papyrus. He and Flowey fought for second place….and Flowey won. Even though in a fight with the two of them, Sans would probably win. But, *ahem* anyway, Sans is a very mysterious character. He knows more than he’s letting on. He makes himself out to be a harmless townie. 1 HP, 1 ATK, 1 DEF, 1 hit kill. Easy peasy, just hit ’em once and he’s dead, not that he’d ever fight anybody, he’s just a townie. A bystander. Even if you kill all of his friends, by which I mean his brother and the old lady he talks to through a door….yeah, he’s kind of lonely, he won’t come after you. Maybe he would the first time. Maybe the second. Maybe the third. But…honestly…at this point…what’s the point? You’ll just reset, they’ll all be back, there’s no point. Yes, you heard that right, he REMEMBERS the other timelines. No one knows how but this little skeleton actually remembers the timelines. That’s not all, folks, cuz he can also put up one HELL of a fight! He may only have one 1 HP, 1 ATK, and 1 DEF but he can fight like nobody’s business. I’m telling you, this guy is crazy. It’s impossible to kill him. I know what you’re thinking, “Dude. You have a knife. He has 1 HP.” Well, sorry to burst your bubble but…uh…he can dodge. Yeah, he’s the only Undertale character that can dodge your attacks. Weird. And this guy is supposed to be some weird sad comedian townie. Honestly, Sans is a really great character. When you first see him, you expect him to be, like, a sad drunk hobo that’s just there for the funny dialogue but he has a lot more to him. He’s treated like a main character all throughout Pacifist and Neutral, he comes to save you from Asgore, he’s one of the lost souls, he’s there when the barrier is broken, etc, but you don’t even fight him. All the other main characters fight you (or do whatever Papyrus does) but not Sans….Mettaton was not made a main character, despite being a boss, so that there would be an even number of characters. So why Sans? Why the non-boss character? Well, in Genocide you kill…everybody. Not just his friends. Not just his family. Not just some random drunkards at a bar he likes to go to. Everybody. That  is the one and only time when he comes after you. And he’s one hell of a boss fight. As for his design, I can’t say much. It’s simple…to a fault. He looks creepy but that’s kind of it. I think the rest of his character makes up for it, though. Ok, I’ve talked way too much about him, onto the next!

 

2. Flowey – Stop Making That Creepy Face!

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Flowey. Holy crap was this a close tie with Sans for second. But I had to choose Flowey. Look at this guy! Look at him! He’s. A. Flower. So, I bet you are wondering why he’s so great that he took second instead of the older skelebro. Well, we’ll start with Flowey’s backstory. He used to be Asriel, the prince of all monsters and King Asgore’s son. Why is this so interesting? Well, he died. His dust was left on the flowers in Asgore’s garden. Alphys took one of those flowers and injected it with the determination to live…and that flower became Flowey. You can’t tell me that’s not cool. Flowey became this soulless shell of what he once was. Pretty edgy flower. Yet, even if Flowey is a huge jerk, he’s still a controlled jerk. He remembers the other timelines but he doesn’t mess everything up. He could tell everybody about the other timelines just because…he can! But, he only makes minor adjustments (talking to Papyrus, putting the note in Alphys’s trash etc) he never does anything too game changing. And, when you think about it, he’s actually kind of the saddest character in the game which makes you feel bad for him and want to hug him. He reminds me of Kevin from Night Vale: he used to be good but then Strex Corp. turned him evil he lost his ability to feel emotions and now he’s just desperately trying to feel love. Not LOVE, love. But he can’t. No matter what he does, he can’t feel love…not even for his own mother. Quite a sad state of affairs. Also, his design is amazing. It’s simple yet it still gives off that feeling of being creepy and cute at the same time. And I love all of his different faces, too. He’s such a fun character to draw! Honestly, Flowey is a great character. My favorite part of him, by far, is doing his little voice. Flowey deserves some love, not LOVE.

 

Alright, it’s time. It’s time for my favorite Undertale character EVER…

But first…

 

Honorable Mentions

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Frisk – Frisk is great. They’re just so fun and emotionless. I love them especially because it’s a big win for the Transgender community to have a canonically Nonbinary character in such a popular video game. But, alas, they do not have much of a personality so it would be pretty hard to write about how much I love them. Frisk is truly a mystery.

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Toriel – Goat mom! You GOAT to love her. She’s Toriel! Toriel is a kind and caring old lady but something about her personality just doesn’t appeal to me that much and that made it hard to put her in my top 5…maybe next time, old lady.

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Temmie – You are filled with Detemmienation. I love the Tems! I played the Tem Datyng Sym, that’s how much I love the Tems. But, honestly, they aren’t main characters and it’s very hard to put them in. I thought about doing it anyway as a joke but….honestly, I just couldn’t give up one of the spaces for a joke.

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Bird That Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap – ARE YOU CHERISHING IT?! CHERISH HARDER!

 

Alright, here we go…it’s time. The big #1 is…

 

1. Papyrus – I Still Believe In You, You Can Do A Little Bit Better, Even If You Don’t Think So!

 

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ME? WHAT AN HONOR! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS FINALLY GETTING SOME RECOGNITION!

 

Yes, yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking, “Him? Omfg….why?!”

Well, I’m here to tell you why. Papyrus is the only character in Undertale that doesn’t try or want to kill you. Go on, fight him, and TRY to die. TRY. You can’t. It’s impossible. He can’t kill you. That is how kind and sweet this little skeleton is. And sure he’s arrogant but he deserves to be. Think about Genocide. You literally cut off his head and he still believes in you. His head is sitting on the ground, his body turned to dust, and he says, “I still believe in you! You can do a little bit better, even if you don’t think so!” That made me cry. No, “Why would you do this? I thought we were friends?” No, “You’re evil! Undyne will strike you down!” No, “Alphys has to evacuate everyone!” No, he believes in you. He believes that you are a good person. But, back to Pacifist, listen to Catty and Bratty’s famous line, “We’re so hyped for the destruction of humanity!” Funny, right? Well, they’re talking about you dying. Look at Toriel, she can actually kill you (I died to her, don’t judge me), or Undyne (well, she’s actively trying to kill you) or Mettaton! He wants to kill you just to become a star. But Papyrus? He is the only character who doesn’t know what Undyne will do with you when he sends you to her. He is the only character you fight that actually can’t kill you. I think that makes up for his arrogance. Also, his design is adorable. Lookit:

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And he has my favorite Undertale theme ever: Bonetrousle! Papyrus is a great character and I could talk about him all day.

Hold on though, look at Papyrus’s outfit in the first picture, that’s his “battle body” which Sans says that he made with Papyrus which means Sans probably made it. That’s some fancy sewing work, Sans, nice job.

Also, I love doing Papyrus’s voice…so much fun…and Papyrus has the best quotes ever. #BathingInKisses

No doubt about it, Papyrus is my favorite character. 4th was a big fight between Undyne and Asgore (with Undyne winning) and 2nd was a big fight between Sans and Flowey (with Flowey winning) but there was never even a question about Papyrus being #1. When I first saw Papyrus in the game, I knew he was going to be my favorite character. He was my favorite then, and he still is now, after nearly a year of playing and loving the game.

 

 

Well, I hope you guys liked this. I worked pretty hard on it. So, have fun and stay determined!